Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Sometimes I like to pretend that I have it all together. I don't, but I wish I did.
I wish that I could make a decision and stick with it, without going back and forth in my mind with, "am I making the right decision?" I wish that I would walk intimately with the Lord and KNOW that He was leading me to something... not just think, or presume, or hope.
I wish I could be as generous as I want to be... and give my friend a car. Or support my friends who raise their financial support beyond a measly $10/month. I wish I would exercise more and read more and pray more and encourage people more. I wish I could live more in the moment, instead of in the future, or in the past.
I guess I'm fighting for contentment... and direction. A few minutes ago, I searched online for a hotel on the drive to Charleston. About 100 La Quintas popped up, and all I had to do was mouse over the little icon for more information. The directions were clear, and everything I needed to know about any of those hotels was just a click or two away... How come LIFE directions aren't just as simple?
Yeah, Matt just gave me an answer... and I know from some of my previous journal entries and conversations with friends-- that God really grows me and teaches me through the process. It's not so much about the answer as it is about the journey to the answer--that's where faith grows. That's where I'm drawn onto the lap of my Heavenly Father. Where I can draw close and just talk with Him and wait for Him.
I need to be enjoying this process... because I know that I'll miss it once I've "arrived" at my destination (well, at least the next pit stop). Then, I'll have another one to look forward to.
Instead, at the moment, I find myself pretending that I have it all together, yet desperately longing for God to intervene and rescue me from myself... like He's done so many times before.
And even reminding myself of that brings me joy and hope. He IS here; He IS on this journey with me... and in the end, He WILL be glorified!