Actually, it technically doesn't say that we were pregnant. But people assumed, which is what I wanted them to do... Because I cannot tell you the amount of times we've heard, 'now that you've adopted, you'll get pregnant with one of your own'.
Well, I thought it was funny. I figured most people don't truly believe big announcements that are posted on April 1st.
In fact, I had been planning it for weeks. I even gave the immediate family members a heads-up so that they wouldn't have heart attacks. Well, all except for my sister, Laura. I forgot to give her a heads-up. Sorry, Laura.
Within minutes, there were lots of very excited people. Only a handful commented things that hinted to April Fool's... several even said "I'm sure you wouldn't joke about something like this." I realized pretty quickly that people would have been thrilled had this news been true.
I texted or private messaged most people who commented, letting them know they had been 'had'. Most responded lightheartedly. But there were some who gave me a really hard time. After only a couple hours, I posted the updated picture and came 'clean'.
Some laughed. Some didn't.
I didn't realize that my fun little prank was going to cause so much concern. And then this picture appeared in my Facebook newsfeed. Twice.
And I felt like a terrible person. Why? I can't fully explain, but I'm going to try...
A few years ago, it was my heart that ached and pricked a little bit every time I saw a pregnancy announcement. It reminded me of my loss. And made me wonder, when will it be my turn? There was a season that I was a little bit bitter and resentful when I would find out about 'surprise' pregnancies. Actually, there was one only a few months ago that definitely made me run to the Lord and pour out my heart to Him.
And I'm so thankful for those times. It's helped me become who I am, and it's helping me be the Mom I am to Tyndall. Motherhood didn't come easily for me. There were lots of things that we could have done to try harder to conceive. But we didn't feel led in that direction. We felt called to adoption. And adoption wasn't God's second choice for us. It was His first.
We have friends who are pursuing infertility treatments. Going through painful surgeries and treatments in hopes of conceiving and becoming parents. I don't want to discount the pain and yearning and longing that these friends, and others, are feeling. It's real. Still, that was not the road God led us down.
But you know what? Even if He had led us down that road, it would have been Him and only Him who created a child. It's not timing or planning, or medicine, or vitamins, or procedures that create life. God does that.
Whether a pregnancy is planned, a surprise, free, or costly, God's behind it. I've really and fully learned that to be true. I've walked with enough friends through the heartache of waiting for pregnancy to happen (and experienced it myself). I've also walked with enough friends through surprise pregnancies.
There are no 'surprises' to God. Tyndall was not a surprise to God. He was created in God's perfect timing, grown and sustained inside his birth mother's body, then delivered at just the right time. For us to be his parents. As the answer to so many prayers. God made this child.
A couple of people who are dear to me told me this was a mean joke to play. Because there have been so many people praying for us and supporting us (even financially) on our journey to parenthood. They talked as if being pregnant would be the answer to those prayers. And I guess what I want people to know is: Tyndall is the answer to our prayers. A biological child wouldn't be any more of 'our own' child to us than he is.
If the pregnancy post had been true, I would honestly be freaking out. I am jobless and have no health insurance. And I have a 3 month old. This would not be an ideal time for a pregnancy. BUT, IF GOD chose to place life inside of me, then I would embrace it. Knowing that God is the One who creates life. Not us.